Called disrespectful and had it put in my permenant file

[Dekr]

I've been successfully employed as a programmer for 6 years at a few different companies (left some due to distance, one for pay). Always get fantastic reviews, get along well with others. Other programmers want me on their team.

My issue is, 2 years ago I started at a company that built very complex software that dealt with tax codes. Multi-solution web apps. Very complex, extremely big, dealing with millions to low billions of rows of data. Their training scale uses a full year before considering an employee trained for the basics. Within 6 months I was named technical lead of an entire area of functionality. Each customer has different business rules, specialized functionality, for each different area of functionality. After less than a year I was training new hires, mentoring, and consulting with senior programs to solve complex problems. After 14 months, I was named team lead and had three other programmers reporting to me. I work with customer service to prioritize work, assign it out, report to stake holders, and still am expected to get a full 130 hours of my own coding down a month. I have senior programs reporting to me, asking me how to fix their stuff.

I'm a junior programmer still. They won't give me a promotion, I can't get a pay raise. When I asked to switch to a different department I was told I couldn't because no one else wants the team lead position. Every day the stress gets worse. We have prioritized monthly items, and then the "OMG the world is ending" items that require I drop everything and handle. Last month there were over 100 hours of "OMG" work. I delegate what I can, but some items are too complex for just anyone to do so I have to juggle all the other items around.

The stress is killing me. I've worked other places that claimed to have a fast paced environment... This place is at critical mass on meth.

And now, my boss reprimanded me for being "disrespectful". Because she gave one of my team members an "OMG" even though he was already over scheduled by a 30 extra hours. I blurted out "you can't do that. He's already over hours!". Apparently, manager had been communicating with customer service people and other managers to get one of his items removed. No one had told me this. My manager didn't communicate what the heck was going on to me at all. Doesn't matter though, manager said I was disrespectful to her for saying anything about it.

The next incident the manager is claiming as disrespectful was during a meeting I had set up with a guy that controlled our source control server. I needed access to a data source. I planned 15 mins for the meeting. Manager tells me a bit before my meeting that she's going to go to my meeting too. That she had stuff to discuss with him. That stuff was whether to give my team a little text box on a form so we could track something we're required to track. Guy said it was extra work for him, I explain why we need it, manager is trying to devise a way that she can use this other field (she didn't care about our field, she wanted something different). Long story short, an hour and fifteen minutes later and those two have agreed that her fields are important, mine are not. She tells me to explain to everyone affected by this decision why we can't have one textbox that would take 5 mins to create and save us 6 hours a week by using. I tell her she can tell them herself. Apparently, that was disrespectful too.

Just frigging tired of it all. She steals my suggestions and takes them to the VP as her own. She flip flops on what she says. I love what I do, but the manager wrote me up and put it on my performance review. Wth?