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I ended up using the object/embed combo and giving up on the custom control buttons thing, for the sake of browser compatibility. I was able to get the video to play on all browsers, but only through the context menu controls. Solving that problem with Firefox would mean installing the plugin, and then there'd be Opera to sort out too, so...
As for the background behind the video fake preview thing, it's working on IE and Firefox. Sadly the transparent UImode and TransparentAtStart trick doesnt seem to work on Opera. Still, as there are so few Opera users on my demographics, and all they'll lose is the preview image, I can live with that. Especially since they do get a black screen, with mediaplayer controls beneath, so pushing play will solve the 'what the hell is this video about' mystery...
Time to deal with the other 5 trillion webdesign issues at hand...
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