Thanks for the advice, DJPaul.
I have the basic knowledge of AS3; what I'm struggling with more than anything else is the ins-and-outs of storing and calling global variables, especially between nested movie clips and the root timeline. Some of my problems I've been able to work out for myself; others I still have questions about. This is why I'm looking for a tutorial: to teach myself the finer points of the how-to side of things. My shortcomings isn't with the understanding of the concepts.
What you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.