If this is for a personal site, one thing you probably could do without too much effort would be to learn ASP (not ASP.NET). ASP is considered obsolescent, but it's still built into every version of Windows except the Home Basic versions (that is, for example, it is in Windows7 Home Premium and above...but also in XP, Vista, etc.).
ASP can be coded using VBScript. Not as rich a language as xBasic, but at least it would feel familiar to you.
ASP is nowhere near as efficient (high performance) as ASP.NET or even PHP, but it's more than adequate for a site that gets no more than, say, one page hit every two seconds or so. (That's about 300,000 page hits per week, to put it in perspective.)
It's just as convenient to write in as PHP, in the sense that you start with an HTML page and then just convert the dynamic parts of the page to VBScript.
Good morning, friend.
If Hour(Now()) < 12 Then
Response.Write "Good morning, friend"
Elseif Hour(Now()) < 17 Then
Response.Write "Good afternoon, friend"
Elseif Hour(Now()) < 21 Then
Response.Write "Good evening, friend"
Response.Write "Good night, friend"