diabling autostart/adding control to swf video embedded into my site

I'm trying to add swf videos to my website and make it so that they don't auto play, and the viewer has the option of playing, pausing and stopping the video. I have about 20 swf videos uploaded into my server in the .../custom/ folder. I can easily upload them on the my page but problem is that they all autostart. I've tried wiki, adobe, e107(my theme) and a few other sites to find out how to add a control to the swf videos. I've also gone through numerous threads here but none of them are able to help me. I know that I have to use some parameters (autostart/autoplay=false/off. etc) but everytime I insert the parameters, the videos still autostart. I've been at this for days and I'm about to quit.

I've tried taking the whole string that other people have used and insert my video in the scr= area but all that does is attach the video and I lose the controls. I could paste the codes I've used, but I've tried about 8 or 9 different various codes and none of them have controls.

Can anyone point me in the right direction?

Thanks

Are these your swf files? Did you make them or can you edit the FLA?

If you can edit the FLA, then you can, but if they aren't then I need to know what you are doing exactly?

These parameters probably won't matter unless the SWF is designed for it.

who would appreciate to know how it's done. Gnome, could you please continue with: how to embed video player controls into the .fla? or whatever other ways there are to create .swf files with a movie player UI?

thanks,

matt